I don’t just have writer’s block when it comes to this blog. I am having trouble composing emails, both at work and of a personal nature. I do not know if I actually suffering from some sort of cognitive difficulty as a result of kidney disease or if my mind is short-circuiting as a result of an overflow of thoughts.
I had not read of impaired kidney function impacting cognitive ability until recently, perhaps the last couple of years. Still, I have never even figured out what this means.
In US adults, lower levels of kidney function are associated with an increased prevalence of cognitive impairment. The prevalence of impairment appears to increase early in the course of kidney disease; therefore, screening for impairment should be considered in all adults with CKD.
- American Journey of Kidney Diseases (August 2008)
If I take this statement at face-value, it means my cognitive decline has been going on for some time. That makes sense.
I am probably dealing with two different phenomenons right now. I just know it has been very frustrating of late to have begun all sorts of writings only to delete them, convinced my thoughts are incoherent.
One might think I should consult a physician. What physician? I have not had great experiences with my nephrologists, psychiatrists, and internists. I don’t know of anyone who is capable of taking all of my issues as a whole and treating them collectively. I have head of integrative medicine where the goal is to treat your own person and not your individual diagnoses, but in the end, I don’t trust that this would do much good either. So many different types of treatments have been wastes of time and money. My trust in health care is minimal. Then again, my trust in the human race is minimal. And, it goes without saying, my trust in myself in virtually non-existent.
if this is you with cognitive impairment, i shudder at the thought of facing you in wordscraper otherwise. just sayin’
I know I should take that as a compliment. But I just have high intellectual expectations for myself, like I want to be able to finish reading a book in under six months, at least something with more heft than, say, Sarah: How a Hockey Mom Turned Alaska’s Political Establishment on Its Ear.
I mean, logically? It makes sense that people with any progressive disease would experience cognitive decline, if for no other reason than the fact they’ve got greater issues weighing on their minds!
I have two ‘cognitive impairments’: a fourth grader and a second grader, not to mention all the day-to-day distractions that come along with them. I don’t know about you, but when I’m stuck in a rut of daily life, or overwhelmed with all the obnoxiously tiny tasks I’ve left undone, I become highly distracted.
From previous posts, I think you recognize that your physical and mental environments are bothering you. If you believe your thinking processes are being affected by something, I’d more quickly attribute it to general stressors than something physiological, but – you know what they say about opinions.
When writing for others’ consumption, there is merit in the well-drafted and deeper concept post, but there is also merit in just dashing off two or three lines of something completely innocuous. While I enjoy drafting the former, I have more fun with the latter. My point here is that, yes, I recognize you have high standards for yourself and what you post, but – for your own well-being – allow yourself to have fun with it, too.
So often we fall into the routine of self-punishment or self-denial without realizing it. If it tastes good, spit it out; if it feels good, stop doing it; if it makes us laugh, turn it off. I do it, and most folks I know do. Just remember: ‘all things in moderation’, and allow yourself to enjoy things without the guilt!
I’m going to have to look up an article for you that I read recently, “$hi**y First Drafts”, by a journalist who is mortified to think that he may perish in an auto accident before he can get home to revise his upcoming submission, and that everyone will think that his first draft is his final. It provides great insight to writer’s block.
Well, I started off wanting to drop my $.02, but it looks like I left a small pile of pennies. lol I’d love to hear more of your take on writer’s block…