I have a Capital One credit card with a low limit, a high interest rate, and an annual fee. It’s a small annual fee, but considering there are no special benefits or rewards with this card, there’s no reason I need to tolerate this fee. I recently had a fee removed from another card, so I didn’t think this would be a big deal.
After several minutes of going through menus looking for one to let me speak to someone, I finally get connected to someone by simplying ignoring the prompts for about 20 seconds.
Overly-happy Capital One Offshore Rep: Hello! How are you today?!
T: Fine
OHCOOR: That’s great to hear! How may I help you today!
T: I’d like the annual fee removed from my account
OHCOOR: Uh, let me see, uh…yes, I am unable to do that for you.
T: I’d like to close my account then.
OHCOOR: Is there anything I can do to change your mind about closing your account?
T: Credit me the $29 annual fee. It’s pretty simple.
OHCOOR: I cannot do that. I am sorry.
T: Then please proceed to close my account.
OHCOOR: Let me see what I can do. I can transfer you to an account specialist.
(I’m on hold for 8 minutes with some jarring instrumental; why any customer service thinks that music over the phone sounds remotely soothing, I’ll never know).
(I get impatient and hang up, deciding I’ll call back and select the option to close my account).
(I go through three levels of menu options to get to the option to close my account).
Capital One Automated Voice: Continuing may result in the closing of your account!
(Great! I continue, back on hold, but the music is a little better, some sort of light pop…9 minutes on hold…)
Perky Canadian Capital One Account Supervisor: Hi, how are you today?
T: (I explain how I don’t enjoy being on the phone for a half-hour to get a simple request taken care of).
PCCOAS: Call volume, we’re busy, I’m sorry, blah blah blah…(60 seconds later, I have to interrupt)
T: Ok, so here’s the deal…(I explain why I called)…and it’s very simple now…cancel my account or refund me my $29 annual fee.
PCCOAS: I can give you that refund right now. No problem! You will see your credit within 3 business days!
